Rivalries Are Supposed to Mean Something

I read the statement from Bisbee High School regarding the vandalism at Douglas High School, and I appreciate them taking a clear position.

Vandalism isn't rivalry. Destroying someone else's field, facility, or property isn't competition. It's not passion. It's not school pride. It's not “just kids being kids.”

It's crossing a line. And unfortunately, I think this incident is part of a much bigger problem we're seeing in youth sports and society. Somewhere along the way, we've forgotten what rivalries are supposed to be about.

A rivalry should mean you can't stand losing to that team, but you still shake their hand afterward. It should mean you compete your ass off between the lines, but you respect the person standing across from you. It should mean you want to beat them so badly that you remember that loss for a year. It should mean you come back next season and get another opportunity.

That's competition.

That's rivalry.

That's sports.

What it shouldn't mean is vandalizing a field. Hurting someone because you're angry. Disrespecting officials. Threatening coaches. Fighting parents. Destroying property. Or believing that because you're passionate about something, the normal rules of respect and accountability no longer apply. And I think we, as adults, need to look in the mirror. We've spent years trying to protect our kids from everything. We don't want them to get hurt. We don't want them to lose. We don't want them to be disappointed. We don't want them to hear something that makes them uncomfortable. We don't want them to experience failure. We don't want them to face consequences.

We've tried to remove every broken bone, every hard lesson, every uncomfortable conversation, every loss and every moment of adversity from childhood. And in doing so, we've sometimes forgotten that those experiences are part of growing up.

I'm not saying kids need to be put in dangerous situations. I'm not saying we shouldn't protect them from serious harm.

I'm saying there is a difference between protecting our kids from danger and protecting them from consequences. Kids need to learn that losing sucks.

They need to learn that sometimes you get knocked down. They need to learn that competition can be physical, emotional and uncomfortable. They need to learn how to take criticism. They need to learn how to control their emotions when they're angry. They need to learn that actions have consequences. And most importantly, they need to learn that being competitive and being disrespectful are not the same thing.

You can hate losing and still respect your opponent. You can play physical football and still play clean. You can be furious about a call and still respect the official. You can want to beat someone more than anything and still shake their hand when it's over. That's what sports are supposed to teach.

And if we're honest, we as adults have failed our kids in some of these areas.

We've modeled the behavior. We've excused it. We've blamed the referee. We've blamed the other team. We've told our kids that someone else was responsible for their failure. We've defended them when they should have been held accountable. Then we act surprised when they don't understand where the line is. The Bisbee-Douglas rivalry has history. It has passion. It means something to those communities. Good.

Keep it that way.

Let the rivalry be fierce.

Let the kids talk a little trash.

Let them compete.

Let them hate losing.

Let them fight for every yard.

Then, when the game is over, let them shake hands and know they earned every bit of it. Because the goal of a rivalry shouldn't be to destroy your opponent.

It should be to make both sides better.

Compete hard. Play with pride. Respect your opponent. Accept the consequences of your actions. Protect the game.

And remember that the example we're setting today is the example the next generation will carry forward.

If we want better kids, better athletes and better communities, it starts with the adults.